Wellness Wednesday

Wellness Wednesday Post: I used to live every day completely overwhelmed with the standard I tried to hold myself to. I even had a short time where I thought I should not be alive. I felt very hopeless. AND/BUT I am a Christian. How could I have those thoughts?

Don’t get too close to the rectory. You won’t like what you see. I’ll never forget hearing that for the first time and then realizing how true it was. There is no perfect priest, minister, or leader out there. We are all human. We all make mistakes. However, I think for many years of my life, I was naive enough to believe that the minister over me was always right. That belief formed who I was and what I believed. The “church” is supposed to bring light and love, but for many there is this incredible feeling of never being able to live up to the standard of perfection. The truth is none of us are perfect.

For example I remember one snowy day, hearing a rather loud knock on our door. I answered the door and it was our overseer at the time. He very angrily told me that I had left a toy out front for two days now. You know, you kind of gulp and try to think “what is he talking about?” And you apologize as he stomps away.

When given a moment to think “what the heck is he talking about?”, you remember that your 2 year old son wanted so badly to make a snowman 2 days ago. So you built a great snowman with him. Then with his 2 year old eyes, he pleaded, “Mommy, we need to leave the snowman a toy to play with.” So we put a little plastic wagon next to the snowman, so the snowman could play with the wagon while we slept. Yep, it was the wagon that was for the snowman that was left out front for two days (with the snowman). We went back to the leader to tell him, but still felt like we were very much wrong for leaving a “toy” out.

So for the next many years, I endeavored to NEVER leave anything out front ever again. Doing so would mean we were not being decent and in order. I daily lived with mental pressure of so many “directives” for my life. Getting rid of the mental pressure that I put on myself for so many of these silly directives (and there are many more), has been a part of my transformation.

I’ve had some great times in my years of Christian service but I’ve had equally crappy times. The difference now is I’ve become strong enough that I don’t blame everything on me. I just read a great book called “Even in the Darkness.” It is about a man who is a minister who lost his dad to suicide and then his son to suicide. This man was so engrossed in what he believed was right, that he often overlooked the needs of the people. I could 100% relate. I loved the book. I read it in two days. And I plan to read it again. Once again man is not perfect.

I’ve come to realize I can control MY thoughts and MY actions. So instead of wondering why people act the way they do, I am going to spend my time and energy on how can I help. How can I show others I care? How can I show others living IS worth the fight? How can I show others the light at the end of the tunnel? How can I show people not to put the mental pressure on yourself like I did for so many years. How can I show people how to “travel light” with their thoughts and their anxiety If it’s to be, it’s up to me, right?

PS. If/When I build a snowman with a grandchild and they want to leave a toy out for the snowman, I WILL be leaving a toy out and not feeling an ounce of guilt. #pattysfitnessjourney, #chooselife, #reclaimingmylife, #reclaimingpatty, #thisismystory, #samehere, #weareallalittlecrazy, #unloadthementalpressure, #lifeisworthliving, #suicideprevention, #progressoverperfection

janinemcphailLove your writing….

pattysfitnessjourney@janinemcphailThank you. On this one I kind of feel like I felt when I learned some moms just said, No. That was revolutionary to me. Well here, it’s kind of the same thing. I get to decide what works for me and my family. We are not all the same. If we were, it would be a very dull world.

janinemcphail@pattysfitnessjourney Well honey…. you already are showing people by sharing your journey. I have a very important feeling that you can write a book and reach so many more people…I speak this not from my cluttered mind but speak it from my soul.

nostigmas💚

vtmtnmmSo beautiful! I can’t help but wonder if the mental transformation is more powerful than the physical one.

vtmtnmmSo beautiful! I can’t help but wonder if the mental transformation is more powerful than the physical one.

stephgdavisLove it!!!

pattysfitnessjourney@stephgdavisThanks!

pattysfitnessjourney@vtmtnmmSometimes I think it is.