It Started with an E-Mail

[This post was written about last week – April 3-7.  The previous post I was all excited about my non-scale victories.  But then I went to the Bod Pod and had body fat measured and that number got into my head.  I’m an analytical girl.  So even though I know I have a ton of non-scale victories, I allowed my frustration to get the best of me and I voiced it in the weekly e-mail mentioned below.  (Apparently that’s frustrating to a trainer.  lol)  I had done the bod pod on Friday, sent the e-mail on Saturday and then did the hike on Sunday.]

So every week since January 2016, I have e-mailed my trainer my food log for the week via the Fitbit app calculations.  I did this again this past weekend.  My opening paragraph showed frustration with the “numbers” part of my journey.  I wrote the e-mail late Saturday night, sent it Sunday and then went on my first hike in 13 years.

The hike was unbelievable.  I never had to stop for rest.   I couldn’t run when my son wanted to run, but I could move at a good clip.  I had to watch any “jumps” I made as they were felt immediately in the ankles and knees, but overall it was a great day.  I was flying high.  (But remember the e-mail was sent before this Rocky Mountain High.)

I woke up Monday morning and I was supposed to go do 3 separate workouts (2 with Jenna).  I had kind of promised Jenna I’d be there and help her with the kids so I didn’t want to back out.  But OMG – I could barely walk.  My lower back was extremely tight and my hips/groin in the front were equally as tight.  It was that “so tight that if you move wrong you’re going to throw something out tight.”  I took 2 Motrin and took my kid to school.  I returned home and nothing was better.  I took two more Motrin and was looking for something stronger when I began to feel some relief.

I arrived at the gym and was asked by my trainer how the hike went.  “Great,” I replied.  And how are you feeling, he asked?  “Fine.”  I lied.  I really couldn’t do much of the weight lifting involved in the Main Event cardio circuit that morning and he noticed.  He made a comment to the tune of “You want to know why your numbers are the way they are?  Right here.  Your lack of effort.”  (Apparently my flip/flop attitude was not received well.)  Everything he said in that moment was true, but I pride myself on the effort I usually put in to a workout and I was exhausted, so that just pissed me off.   I felt like I was being called a slacker so therefore I worked even harder on Monday and Tuesday with being angry the whole time.  (I do not recommend.)

On Mondays we lift, but on that Monday he said, “I want you on the rower.”  I said, “That’s not what I pay you for.  I am supposed to lift today.”  He replied, “You pay me to train you – get on the rower.”  I said, “That’s not what I want.”  Guess who rowed 30 minutes listening to “You Don’t Always Get What you Want” on repeat?

I want to take you back to San Lorenzo, California and a ten year old Patty.  I was a swimmer back then who swam hard and I also played hard and I was helping my dad build a basement.  I remember this particular day when my mom and I were in a heated argument.  She finally said, “YOU NEED TO TAKE A NAP!”  I fired back, “I”M NOT EVEN TIRED.”  She made me lay down on my bed and she closed the door.  2 1/2 hours later, I woke up with that feeling of “Oh my goodness, she was right.”  “I was tired.”  I still remember that like it was yesterday.

Patty styling at 10 years old

Back to the present – during our training session on Tuesday I was determined to show that I was NOT a slacker.  I tried hard.  I got my heart rate up past 154, but my dang legs started giving out on me and that made me even more mad.  Finally he “called it.”  What does that mean, you ask?  He said, you’re done!  AND —  you’re not to come back tomorrow and you are to ice.  (Aaarrgggh)  And you’re not to go train somewhere else tomorrow or we won’t train Thursday! (double aaargggh).  AND you need to eat the same amount of calories as if we were training.  (triple aarggghh).   I walked out pretty dang angry to tell you the truth.

Remember that story from San Lorenzo, CA?  I started to think of that and when I broke it all down, I knew he was really right.  My body was screaming for rest ever since the hike.  My first misstep was to not write him back after the hike and say, I take all that back.  I just had an incredible day.  Screw the numbers.   My second misstep was to act as if I felt fine on Monday when in reality I haven’t felt that bad in a long, long time.  Your trainer cannot help you if you are not honest.   My third misstep was to get genuinely angry and get the attitude of I’ll prove you wrong even if it kills me!

Needless to say, I iced all day and night on Wednesday and began to realize that was the right call for the day.  I don’t know if you all know how BAD I want this – good health, good weight, strength, etc.  So when someone tells me I have to rest (or eat), it makes me crazy.  I don’t see this as moving me towards my goal.  But I need to believe that rest and eating are part of the process.

Just like I realized that when I get cranky, I need a nap; I need to realize when my body is hurting, I need to ice and rest.  It sure would make life easier for all.

(PS.  Today (the day I iced)  I wore normal clothes (not workout clothes)  A pair of jeans that were tight a few weeks ago fit with room.  I felt kind of stupid then for being angry about the numbers.)

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